"And so we came back to the idea of- this safe location, that you mentioned last time we discussed this," he says, leaning forward on his seat a little. "Is that something you'd be more amenable to putting the deal towards? A singular transaction, somewhere you wouldn't need to worry about- practically anything interrupting your peace, or even your peace of mind."
"Not from the Admiral." Immediate, but not because he hasn't thought about it. It's still partly about the weight of obligation when he can do something himself... Ugh. Just maybe. It might be simpler to say something more directly to Arthur. Maybe. He'll try a lot of things once. "I don't - want to be alone." Wow, actually that was a nightmare. He seriously considers sneaking out and asking Hilbert to text responses instead. It would basically be the same as having a direct conversation about this, except much better.
He can at least try to smooth that over with far more practical considerations.
"A safe location I'd chose now might not be the same as what I'd want or need later. Thus, either it wouldn't be one transaction or I'd do it myself anyway, so I don't need the Admiral." The Admiral can't grant true peace of mind - well, he probably could but if he thought that Arthur would ask for something that would mess with his mind. He doesn't think that. Anyway, Nathaniel does know that if he wants true peace (the 'if' is important), he'll need to find it himself.
He scowls, the impact slightly lessened by the fact that Arthur... can't see it or guess what it might look like.
"If I asked for some stupid thing that you shouldn't spend a deal on when there's a deal you should make, will you leave asking the Admiral for something for my 'well-being' alone?" A stupid thing that he definitely hasn't spend time thinking about.
It's actually a reasonable argument from Nathaniel, in this instance, with a forethought he can respect. You never know when you'd be at risk of dropping everything to leave your job, or city, or country. He ought to know.
Instead, he answers the question. "I suppose that largely depends on how quantifiably stupid your request is. I've yet to hear something more than moderately unreasonable ever fall from your lips," he points out dryly. "But - certainly that's a fair request. Do you already have a- an allegedly stupid suggestion in mind?"
"It's stupid compared to you choosing the sensible deal that you made with the Admiral when you signed on."
It's not a strike against Nathaniel's intelligence that Arthur lacks common sense and, apparently, a blatant lack of self-awareness in certain areas. Though it is pretty stupid request.
It's not true that Nathaniel had really been able to erase the knowledge of what Arthur wanted to do with his deal from his mind. If Arthur was determined to force it on him, the best way to get out of the trap was to have a request of his own, which didn't involve the Admiral interfering in his life.
There are sensible things he could ask for. But he believes Hilbert when he said he'd find a way that they could communicate across worlds. Anything else... it's not that Nathaniel doesn't want things, but most of what he wants is bound in getting it for himself, or beyond the Admiral's power.
"You could make sure that my... biological brother has resources if he needs them." Nathaniel doesn't know him. He doesn't care about him. But tying off the last of the obligations and connections he had to his world - his old world - well, he has proof that he never really needed that his parents aren't necessarily reliable.
Honestly, he's not even sure what his expression is. The fact that this was a reversed test isn't even remotely subtle, but it wasn't something Arthur expected to be turned into actual substance. He's not sure what he might have expected, but that was... so far from what he'd perceivable assume that he's left baffled.
Whatever confusion and conflict is nestled in his chest, there's also a violently proud glow to it all.
"Nathaniel, I..." He pauses, takes a deep breath, and tries again. "Look, in all honesty - the fact that you even considered that, even if you mean it as a bad example - that is something I would be willing to use my deal on. If for no other reason that it stands as proof of how far you've come as a person here- to, to not only be willing to offer something of so much substance to a complete stranger, but - to recognise and articulate your own needs and desires, and to- to at least begin to recognise the same in others. To acknowledge the needs of others so succinctly."
It is an example of something that it would be extremely stupid for Arthur to chose over his original deal. Nathaniel would say it's still a little better than Arthur using it directly on him, as Nathaniel doesn't need it, but that doesn't make it good.
That doesn't mean it's not what Nathaniel would ask for if he can't get Arthur to see sense. Perhaps if there was no chance he'd ask for it he might be better able to stand Arthur being so... Arthur about it. Possibly not. As it is, he's hit a limit of being able to respond to Arthur's unreasonable habit of saying certain things out loud and directly.
He doesn't make a run for the door, but there is a slight noise and a shift in the couch that suggests that Nathaniel's normal form has been replaced by a ...very impressive looking snow leopard.
"Oh-" the shift of weight, the sudden sound of fur rustling, alerts Arthur to the transformation. And he reaches a hand out, cautiously, until he finds the velvety-soft fur, and gives a huff of wry amusement.
Well, it's still a marked improvement on Nathaniel leaving the room.
He stands up from the couch - so that when he transforms as well, into the massive tiger form, he doesn't break his couch. But he lies down again, leaning against the cushion, nose twitching as he hunts Nathaniel down again by scent.
...and when he finds Nathaniel's head, he gives him a gentle lick between the ears.
He does shuffle forward a little so he can continue the soft grooming, licking his way down Nathaniel's neck and shoulders, until he gets himself comfortable with his head resting on Nathaniel, half curled over him in a protective sort of cuddle.
The weight is comforting. Arthur says all sorts of things and Nathaniel generally thinks he believes what he says (it's not a particularly complimentary thought). Still, words are words, and even actions are complicated in various ways. In these forms, they're still firmly in possession of their minds so it shouldn't really be different. Yet it feels different, and Nathaniel finds it easier not to overthink it too much when he's like this.
And Arthur's not going to make any attempt to disrupt the notion, or the peace that Nathaniel employing the form seems to bring him. He'll just wait out the transformation with him, using the tinier cat as a warm pillow and falling into an easy doze with the safety he feels in the moment.
Nathaniel falls into something like a doze himself. These days he gets around six hours of sleep at night, which is more than he's used to but still not that much. In human form, the urge to do something keeps him going. Forced inactivity drives him insane, but the same stillness in a different form is peaceful. He can't explain the difference, but he also avoids thinking about it.
The nature of the time limit means he wakes with a yelp, Arthur's tiger head suddenly feeling a lot heavier. "Yet another reason to avid nature," he mutters, at he tries to neaten his hair.
The tiger head jerks back in surprise when Nathaniel shifts back, ears flicking in surprise with the yelp, but the way those eyes squeeze in a slow blink, whiskers perking a little with it, might come across as a little bit amused.
Still, the tiger stands, and with no more warning than Nathaniel's, turns back into Arthur (he only had a few scant seconds left, anyway). "Well, I don't imagine most real tigers would be quite so willing to entertain company," he says dryly, sitting back down on the couch. "So probably for the best to avoid them in their natural habitat."
"A nice park is about as much as a city needs." Had he ever been to the park? He'd walked by it while on more important business, but he's still correct.
"True enough." Granted, he's found he's a lot more appreciative of nature when it's not actively killing him, enough that he's found himself simply missing the aesthetics of it when he and John spend time in the Gazebo, but... it is what it is.
"Now, er." Lifting a hand to smooth out his own somewhat fluffed up hair after all that. Time to back up a few steps in their conversation. "About your having a safe place to stay between jobs - you are still welcome to stay with- with Parker, a-and myself and John in our office. Granted, we'll probably need to move to a slightly larger one first, but. Still, I hope you know that my door will always be open for you, if you did come to my world- f-for any stretch of time, even."
Nathaniel sighs, put upon by a world of people who refuse to do their own thinking. It is worse when they're usually better, but, really, it's almost the least of the reasons to be annoyed at the moment.
"Well, there's rather a limitation on how 'safe' a place is when the King in Yellow might decide to stick his head into the dimension to mess around with a former piece of being who's living there, isn't there."
"Do you truly believe that if you graduate another inmate you'd use that deal instead of giving it to them? If you take a moment to honestly think about it. Is John supposed to do it all himself?"
"You're not making him. You're just setting up a situation where the most likely outcome is that he'll make those deals. I don't think it's what you intend to do." It's what he thinks will happen whatever Arthur's 'intentions', but he doesn't think he has to say that out loud for Arthur to know.
Every time, he hates the way Nathaniel so easily puts him on the back fucking foot.
"John and I have discussed this, Nathaniel," he says crisply. "He already knows that I may- that the current plan for my deal is... i-it's somewhat nebulous, right now. He is not unaware of my intentions for it, and we've already discussed what to do with them in the future as well."
"I'm sure you have," he says, just as crisply. "I'm also sure he knows you well enough that he wouldn't have this discussion with you. I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that John is far too accepting of character flaws." He pauses a moment, to underscore his point. "When it comes to you at least. When you spoke of what you'd do with future deals, did you say 'I'll be using mine on my inmate'." He can do a surprisingly good impression of Arthur's voice, even if he can't do the cadence quite as well.
His jaw works for a moment, tight against the urge to bite the hand that's slapping him.
"In more or less those exact words, yes. I did. Because at the time I was far more concerned with whether you would yoke yourself to a master who would treat you with the same callous cruelty you've suffered under your previous masters, I was worried that you would rather fall back on the devil you know than even accept a modicum of help from someone who cares about you."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-01-22 09:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-22 09:19 am (UTC)He can at least try to smooth that over with far more practical considerations.
"A safe location I'd chose now might not be the same as what I'd want or need later. Thus, either it wouldn't be one transaction or I'd do it myself anyway, so I don't need the Admiral." The Admiral can't grant true peace of mind - well, he probably could but if he thought that Arthur would ask for something that would mess with his mind. He doesn't think that. Anyway, Nathaniel does know that if he wants true peace (the 'if' is important), he'll need to find it himself.
He scowls, the impact slightly lessened by the fact that Arthur... can't see it or guess what it might look like.
"If I asked for some stupid thing that you shouldn't spend a deal on when there's a deal you should make, will you leave asking the Admiral for something for my 'well-being' alone?" A stupid thing that he definitely hasn't spend time thinking about.
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Date: 2024-01-22 09:27 am (UTC)Instead, he answers the question. "I suppose that largely depends on how quantifiably stupid your request is. I've yet to hear something more than moderately unreasonable ever fall from your lips," he points out dryly. "But - certainly that's a fair request. Do you already have a- an allegedly stupid suggestion in mind?"
no subject
Date: 2024-01-22 09:42 am (UTC)It's not a strike against Nathaniel's intelligence that Arthur lacks common sense and, apparently, a blatant lack of self-awareness in certain areas. Though it is pretty stupid request.
It's not true that Nathaniel had really been able to erase the knowledge of what Arthur wanted to do with his deal from his mind. If Arthur was determined to force it on him, the best way to get out of the trap was to have a request of his own, which didn't involve the Admiral interfering in his life.
There are sensible things he could ask for. But he believes Hilbert when he said he'd find a way that they could communicate across worlds. Anything else... it's not that Nathaniel doesn't want things, but most of what he wants is bound in getting it for himself, or beyond the Admiral's power.
"You could make sure that my... biological brother has resources if he needs them." Nathaniel doesn't know him. He doesn't care about him. But tying off the last of the obligations and connections he had to his world - his old world - well, he has proof that he never really needed that his parents aren't necessarily reliable.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-22 10:45 am (UTC)Honestly, he's not even sure what his expression is. The fact that this was a reversed test isn't even remotely subtle, but it wasn't something Arthur expected to be turned into actual substance. He's not sure what he might have expected, but that was... so far from what he'd perceivable assume that he's left baffled.
Whatever confusion and conflict is nestled in his chest, there's also a violently proud glow to it all.
"Nathaniel, I..." He pauses, takes a deep breath, and tries again. "Look, in all honesty - the fact that you even considered that, even if you mean it as a bad example - that is something I would be willing to use my deal on. If for no other reason that it stands as proof of how far you've come as a person here- to, to not only be willing to offer something of so much substance to a complete stranger, but - to recognise and articulate your own needs and desires, and to- to at least begin to recognise the same in others. To acknowledge the needs of others so succinctly."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-22 06:32 pm (UTC)That doesn't mean it's not what Nathaniel would ask for if he can't get Arthur to see sense. Perhaps if there was no chance he'd ask for it he might be better able to stand Arthur being so... Arthur about it. Possibly not. As it is, he's hit a limit of being able to respond to Arthur's unreasonable habit of saying certain things out loud and directly.
He doesn't make a run for the door, but there is a slight noise and a shift in the couch that suggests that Nathaniel's normal form has been replaced by a ...very impressive looking snow leopard.
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Date: 2024-01-22 09:15 pm (UTC)Well, it's still a marked improvement on Nathaniel leaving the room.
He stands up from the couch - so that when he transforms as well, into the massive tiger form, he doesn't break his couch. But he lies down again, leaning against the cushion, nose twitching as he hunts Nathaniel down again by scent.
...and when he finds Nathaniel's head, he gives him a gentle lick between the ears.
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Date: 2024-01-22 09:20 pm (UTC)But leaning against him isn't bad either.
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Date: 2024-01-22 10:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-22 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 03:13 am (UTC)The nature of the time limit means he wakes with a yelp, Arthur's tiger head suddenly feeling a lot heavier. "Yet another reason to avid nature," he mutters, at he tries to neaten his hair.
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Date: 2024-01-23 03:55 am (UTC)Still, the tiger stands, and with no more warning than Nathaniel's, turns back into Arthur (he only had a few scant seconds left, anyway). "Well, I don't imagine most real tigers would be quite so willing to entertain company," he says dryly, sitting back down on the couch. "So probably for the best to avoid them in their natural habitat."
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Date: 2024-01-23 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 04:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 04:43 am (UTC)"Now, er." Lifting a hand to smooth out his own somewhat fluffed up hair after all that. Time to back up a few steps in their conversation. "About your having a safe place to stay between jobs - you are still welcome to stay with- with Parker, a-and myself and John in our office. Granted, we'll probably need to move to a slightly larger one first, but. Still, I hope you know that my door will always be open for you, if you did come to my world- f-for any stretch of time, even."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 04:50 am (UTC)"Well, there's rather a limitation on how 'safe' a place is when the King in Yellow might decide to stick his head into the dimension to mess around with a former piece of being who's living there, isn't there."
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Date: 2024-01-23 05:23 am (UTC)"By the time I come back to Arkham, that will be resolved regardless," he points out.
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Date: 2024-01-23 05:26 am (UTC)"Do you truly believe that if you graduate another inmate you'd use that deal instead of giving it to them? If you take a moment to honestly think about it. Is John supposed to do it all himself?"
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Date: 2024-01-23 05:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 05:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 05:49 am (UTC)"John and I have discussed this, Nathaniel," he says crisply. "He already knows that I may- that the current plan for my deal is... i-it's somewhat nebulous, right now. He is not unaware of my intentions for it, and we've already discussed what to do with them in the future as well."
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Date: 2024-01-23 05:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-23 06:25 am (UTC)His jaw works for a moment, tight against the urge to bite the hand that's slapping him.
"In more or less those exact words, yes. I did. Because at the time I was far more concerned with whether you would yoke yourself to a master who would treat you with the same callous cruelty you've suffered under your previous masters, I was worried that you would rather fall back on the devil you know than even accept a modicum of help from someone who cares about you."
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